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Talk like an England cricketer

03 Feb

Don’t worry if you haven’t got time to listen to the fulfil their media obligations. Just pick one from each section of our automated interview response generator.

Introductory remark
To be fair
Obviously
Very much so
For me
Look
As I say
Being honest
In all fairness
I’d be lying if I said
We acknowledge
Of course

Individual
Monty
Straussy
Cooky
Trotty
Poor old Ravi
Belly
Finny
Priory (wicketkeeper, not depression place)
KP
Morgs
Broady
Jimmy
Swanny
Andy Flower
Giles Clarke

Acknowledgement
Is struggling with
Is suffering from
Is finding difficulties
Acknowledges he has a weakness with regards to
Is working hard on
Has done fantastically with
Puts an enormous amount of work into
Practices night and day on
Trains as hard as anyone with
Would be the first to admit that he’s isn’t
Is holding his hand up and admitting he’s
Has recently developed a problem with

Issue
Picking the doosra
Picking the straight one
Scoring against spinners
Hitting the ball
Missing Goochie
Drinking the water
Eating the food
Keeping anything down
Adapting to the hot weather in the UAE
Adapting to the cold weather in the UAE
Rushing to the loo every five minutes
Missing his family
Missing his dog
Missing EastEnders
Travelling poorly
Being out of the side
Being in the side
Dealing with depression
Undergoing an existential crisis
Being unable to catch
Finding Swanny’s banter a bit trying
Thinking KP should pipe down
Bantering on Twitter
Plugging his sponsors’ products
Having nightmares about mystery spinners
Understanding the DRS
Dealing with the media

But on the positive side…

Group
The guys
The bowling unit
The batting unit
The fielding unit
The bathroom unit
The batters
The bowlers
The coach
The captain
The senior players
The leadership group
Our friends and families
Cricket as a whole
The sporting community
The staff at the hotel
The medical staff
The Ashley Gileses of this world
The whole team
The whole squad
The whole squad and the backroom staff
The whole squad and the backroom staff and everyone connected with Team England

…is/are…

Action words and phrases
Communicating
Focusing
Being aggressive
Being supportive
Encouraging
Supporting each other
Concentrating hard
Being decisive
Working together
Sticking together
Concentrating on the basics
Hitting the right areas
Not allowing themselves to get sidetracked
Doing the simple things well
Relaxing on the golf course
Relaxing with the Xbox
Getting away from the game
Enjoying a night out
Visualising success

…to…

Dynamic closing statement
End this tour on a high
Take a long hard look a ourselves
Go into the one-day series with some momentum
Silence a few critics
Help him get over this bad patch
Realise that we have not become a bad team overnight
Take the positives from the situation
Iron out what we are sure is just a blip
Support our team-mate in this tough time
Show him that we are right behind him
Put these bad results behind us
Play with a smile on our face
Rise to the challenge
Show why we got to number one in the first place
End the Test series with a win
Restore some pride
And give ourselves something to build on

Example one
Look
Morgs
acknowledges he has a weakness with regards to
hitting the ball
but on the positive side
the whole squad and the backroom staff and everyone connected with Team England
are
working together
to
iron out what we are sure is just a blip

Example two
In all fairness
Cooky
is holding his hand up and admitting he’s
missing Goochie
but on the positive side
our friends and families
are
working together
to
show that we are right behind him

Example three
Of course
Belly
puts an enormous amount of work into
rushing to the loo every five minutes
but on the positive side
the bathroom unit
is
being supportive
to
help him get over this bad patch

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1 Comment

Posted by on February 3, 2012 in CRICKET

 

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One response to “Talk like an England cricketer

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